This past Hallowe'en, Tyler and I dressed up as Alex and Dim from "A Clockwork Orange" and caused havoc.
I'll post pictures when I come across them. Or maybe not, if I can't.
Anyhow.
The previous weeks were spent collecting various animal (primarily squirrel) carcasses, and hiding them in the backyard in plastic bags (to prevent theft of our carcasses by other animals) for weeks, for the purpose of putrefaction, further collection, and mayhem-causing. One bagged squirrel-corpse was missing. But there was a fresh, un-decomposed one in it's place.
Whatever.
So, Tyler grabbed the bagged one and we set out on our first adventure.
Our goal was to just cause a bit of pointless mayhem and minor vandalism.
Tyler was equipped with a broom-handle, and I with an extendable (aluminum?) police-grade nightstick.
When we were stepping out of our driveway onto the sidewalk, this group of kids was walking towards us. Now me, always having to win sidewalk wars, didn't move for them. I pushed into one and I guess he had a problem with it.
Here's the kids "names" and their descriptions:
Guns - a blond-haired kid who thought he was big, who in reality, probably was bigger than me
Showboat - a four-eyed cretin with a propensity to boast
Fatty - a fat kid
Coolio - a kid who minded his own business
Girl - some girl who was with them
I'll recount the following exchange in play-form.
Keep in mind that I'm talking with a harsh British accent this whole time.
Guns: What the fuck is your problem, man?
Me: Whatwhat, you want some of this, chap?
Guns: Yeah, let's go!
Me: *extends nightstick* rightright!
Guns: Nevermind, that's probably real!
Me: You could bet your bottom dollar on it. You want none of this, I assure you!
Showboat: He would probably wreck you in a second, anyways.
Me: Oh, you'd wreck me, would you now, guns?
Guns: No, man, I don't want to fight you.
Me: What about you there, showboat, bragging and whatnot? You fancy yourself sommat strong, do you?
Showboat: What? No, not me, man, I'm a pussy!
Fatty: I'll fight you!
Tyler: Hold on, I gotta try to film this!
Coolio: How the fuck do you make the video function work on this thing, man?
Me: Let's have a go, then, fatty! *throws nightstick on ground*
*Fatty gets uncomfortably close to me*
Me: Step the fuck back, champ! *pushes fatty back*
*Fatty gets uncomfortably close to me again*
Me: Instead of trying to kiss me, why not hit me or something of the sort? *pushes fatty back*
*Fatty gets uncomfortably close to me again*
Me: Seems to me you've had a little too much of the forty-percent, best not to have a row in your state, rightright?
*Fatty gets uncomfortably close to me again*
Me: *pushes fatty back, fatty stumbles and loses his footing*
GunsORShowboatOrFatty (I can't remember which)
"Let's just go, guys. "
Me: *picks up nightstick* I'll take all of you on, somebody hit me, I dare you!
All: Fuck off!
Me: *drops nightstick* I'll hit you wi' or wi'out it!
*All walk briskly away*